Tag Archives: humor

Writing tip Wednesday: “Humor Poetry Contest”

Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Contest (no fee)

Ends on April 1, 2018

Submit one humor poem, up to 250 lines. First prize of $1,000 and second prize of $250. Ten Honorable Mentions will receive $100 each. The top 12 entries will be published online. There is no fee to enter. Judge: Jendi Reiter, assisted by Lauren Singer.

In addition to English, your poem may contain inspired gibberish. You may submit published or unpublished work. Please omit your name from your entries. We prefer 12-point type or larger. Please avoid fancy, hard-to-read fonts.

Please submit only one poem to this contest.

Source and further details: https://winningwriters.submittable.com/submit/58279/wergle-flomp-humor-poetry-contest-no-fee

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Filed under 2017, contest, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday

Sunday silliness: “That day”

Send away that day. /

That one! I don’t want it. /

It is called Monday.

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Filed under 2017, Sunday silliness

cARtOONSdAY: “lOST iN a gOOD bOOK”

Anne wasn’t sure which was more pleasing.

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Filed under 2017, cartoon by author, CarToonsday

Photo finish Friday: “Cold one”

Photo courtesy of Chris Brock.

 

The coldest beer in the USA

by David E. Booker

 

The coldest beer in the USA

Drive up and down the pike

Turn left or turn right

You won’t find another

As cold and as clear tonight.

 

My truck broke down.

My dog died suddenly

And my woman, she left me

Running off with my brother

What else bad can there be?

 

The coldest beer in the USA

Drive up and down the pike

Turn left or turn right

You won’t find another

As cold and as clear tonight.

 

My barber’s quiet frown

Says my hair’s gone astray

Fading from my head, more each day.

Being bald makes me shudder.

I cry and throw my comb away.

 

The coldest beer in the USA

Drive up and down the pike

Turn left or turn right

You won’t find another

As cold and as clear tonight.

 

One left and eleven down.

Empties rattle in the back.

Now here comes the local flack.

He’s after me and no other.

I sip the last of the twelve pack.

 

The coldest beer in the USA

Drive up and down the pike

Turn left or turn right

You won’t find another

As cold and as clear tonight.

 

Sitting in a cell downtown

Waiting to be shipped to the jail

Nobody left to throw my bail.

Then I see my dear ol’ brother.

The look of man about to fail.

 

The coldest beer in the USA

Drive up and down the pike

Turn left or turn right

You won’t find another

As cold and as clear tonight.

 

I give him my best frown.

He walks over and says to me:

“Brother forgive and let it be

“She ran off with yet another.

“Our half-brother who’d been at sea.”

 

The coldest beer in the USA

Drive up and down the pike

Turn left or turn right

Sadly, we can’t have another

On this cold and clear tonight.

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Filed under 2017, Photo Finish Friday

Photo finish Friday: “Dented boobs down at Big Don’s”

Photo by Victoria Kay. Location: Big Don the Costumier in Knoxville, TN.

Busted

Trusted bust /
collecting dust /
high up in my attic. /
Dented boobs. /
Maybe abused? /
Or was it just poor tactic?
If worn today /
who is to say /
if they would be less lactic?

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Filed under 2017, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author

cARtOONDdAY: “lOVE IN THE lIBARARY”

But the most difficult part of all was deciding which he loved more.

But the most difficult part of all was deciding which he loved more.

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Filed under 2017, cartoon by author, CarToonsday

Monday morning writing joke: “The word made flesh”

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida.

The first said, “You know I had a big house built for Mama.”

The second said, “And I had a large theater built in the house.”

The third said, “And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”

The fourth said, “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her “Thank You” notes.

She wrote: Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing, and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.”

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious Thank you so much.”

Love, Mama

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Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke