Tag Archives: puns

Monday morning writing joke: “Adding up — the puns”

Just when you thought it was safe to square your Pi.

Just when you thought it was safe to square your Pi.

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Photo finish Friday: “Sheepish”

The baaaad are everywhere.

The baaaad are everywhere.

“Listen up, boys,” the head sheep said. “We have one chance to get this right. The sow keeps all her money at the Piggy Bank on the corner. We show a little backbone and knock it over and we’ll never have to cower again. You with me?”

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “Dead again,” part 2

In honor of all the zombie movies over the past year, and books about zombies and other dead creatures, here is the second of two or three “dead” jokes, puns, bits of humor. Groan as you see fit.

Q.: What do you call…

…a race between zombies?

A.: A dead run.

…a warm day for zombies?

A.: A dead heat.

…a zombie who ate his girlfriend?

A.: A dead ‘n’ ate her.

…a zombie in an explosion?

A.: Dead bone air.

…somebody killed by a medieval zombie?

A.: Dead of knight.

…a zombie politician too long in office?

A.: A deadencated public servant.

.…a lobbyist?

A.: Dead weight.

…500 zombie lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A.: Habeas corpses.

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “Dead again, ” part 1

In honor of all the zombie movies over the past year, and books about zombies and other dead creatures, here is the first of two or three “dead” jokes, puns, bits of humor. Groan as you see fit.

Q.: What do you call…

…a dead psychiatrist?

A.: A dead head.

…a dead musician?

A.: A dead beat.

…a dead twin bell musician?

A.: A dead ringer.

…a dead sailor?

A.: Dead lee

…a dead radio personality?

A.: Dead air

…a dead royal radio personality?

A.: Dead air apparent.

…a dead conservative?

A. Dead to rights

…a dead writer’s last sentence?

A. A deadline.

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “It depends”

Diapers

There many be some truth to this.

We will (with apologies to Shakespeare) call this: What’s in a name?

Query: Does anyone know why disposable baby diapers are called Luvs & Huggies, while old people diapers are called Depends?

Hypothesis: Cause if a baby poops in his(her) pants, you are still gonna Luv’em & Hug’em. But if an old person poops in his(her) pants, your love might Depend on if you are still in the will.

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Silly Saturday: Bad joke of the moment

Q.: How did this (see photo below) man get past NASA security?

A.: He shuttled in.

Puns, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the UGBC (You Gotta Be Crazy) Punster, it's ongoing irritation....

Puns, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the UGBC (You Gotta Be Crazy) Punster, it’s ongoing irritation….

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Freeform Friday: Limerick: “That Sucks”

There once was a man of great flatulence,
who still manage to have quite a dalliance.
Though he gave a rousing toot,
she still managed her flag salute,
but was unsure which roused the smile on his countenance.

Might depend on how you look at it.

Might all depend on how you look at it.

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