Tag Archives: politicians

Let’s get “fiscal, fiscal”

Lawmaker snaps, files bill demanding fellow lawmakers quit using ‘physical’ when they mean ‘fiscal’

Source: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/3/31/1508629/-Lawmaker-snaps-files-bill-demanding-fellow-lawmakers-quit-using-physical-when-they-mean-fiscal

Thank you to the Riverfront Times for bringing us this tidbit from the Missouri legislature:

A state rep from St. Louis, unable to take it any longer, has filed a resolution asking her colleagues in the House of Representatives to please, please stop using the word “physical” when talking about Missouri’s fiscal needs.

“Whereas, on occasion, members of the Missouri House of Representatives have used the word ‘physical’ instead of ‘fiscal’ when referring to fiscal matters including, but not limited to, fiscal review and fiscal notes…” begins House Resolution 1220, offered by Rep. Tracy McCreery.

McCreery tells the Riverfront Times that “fiscal” becomes “physical” almost every single day in the Missouri legislature and she just can’t take it anymore:

The sound of lawmakers screwing up even basic terms as they debate critical financial decisions has become like “nails on a chalkboard” to McCreery and a few of her grammatically sound colleagues.

“There are a lot of reasons to be depressed about the Missouri Legislature, and this just kind of piles on,” she says.

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Filed under 2016, English, right word

Silly Bills

by David E. Booker

O’, Pause and let us now behold
the elected intelligence in all its mold.
Bills run amuck of mind and light:
Sufficient fright for a Halloween night.
And there was more, lest you forget
a bill to take away your right to vote yet
for the U.S. Senator of your choice
Enlightened legislators said, “That’s our voice.”
Only a call from fed Senator Corker
prevented that piece of legislative porker.
Many other state bills ceased to be
because big money donors were displeased.
So, say what you will about money buying votes.
It may not get bills passed; but it can get them smote.

________

Tennessee State flag: 0' what trouble can they conceive when the state GOP is allowed to breathe.

Tennessee State flag: 0′ what trouble can they conceive when the state GOP is allowed to breathe.

NASHVILLE — On the state Senate floor last week, Sen. Brian Kelsey brought up a resolution that he explained as putting senators on record as declaring “if the federal government tries to infringe on our rights as American citizens, then we will intervene and fight for those rights.”

This prompted Senate Majority Leader Mark Norris to ask his fellow Republican how the resolution (SR17) differed from perhaps the most prominent of several bills introduced this year to nullify federal laws and subject federal officers to prosecution should they try to enforce them.

For the rest of the story, follow this link:
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2013/apr/07/tennessee-gop-supermajority-eases-up-on-silly/

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Filed under GOP, poetry by author, political humor

Life is like a box of … politicians

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2013/mar/13/wine-in-grocery-stores-bill-dies-by-1-vote-in/?partner=popular

Wine-in-grocery-stores bill dies by 1 vote in House committee

Why is it in my state, Tennessee, I can walk into a Super Wal-Mart and buy a rack of lamb and a box of bullets, but I can’t go in a buy a rack of lamb and box of wine?

Tennessee State flag

Tennessee State flag

Somehow, according to the fine, upstanding, bought and paid for, public servants in Nashville, it’s my God-given right if I want to buy something to potentially blow somebody else away, but heaven forbid if I want to buy something in a Super Wal-Mart, or even a “regular” grocery story, that might be used to “blow” myself away for a little while.

This in a state with a super-Republican majority in both the state House and Senate. This in the face of the Republican manta of less government. This in the thrall of hypocrisy about competition being the life blood of a “free market.”

It’s only less government if you buy it.

It’s only less government for you if you can make somebody else pay with a little less choice.

It’s only less government if you are the one defining it as so.

It’s only a box of … GOP politicians.

Yep, less government. Just big enough to fit in your bedroom.

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Filed under Commentary, political humor, politics, satire

New word: “congressed”

Upon occasion, it seems that there are gaps in the English language: experiences, ideas, emotions, and even eventualities that don’t quite have a word to identify them. Today, we have one such experience in need of a new definition…

They congressed.

v.i. (verb intransitive): To meet for no discernible reason, to then accomplish no discernible goal, and then to adjourn with no discernible conclusion.

Speeches can be made, positions staked out, even bills passed out, but all of little note in addressing the issues at hand.

They congressed despite themselves, and were well paid for it.

As well as a verb intransitive which means a verb that needs no direct object, this is a new classification of verb, known as the verb intransigent: meaning a verb that has no direct object and does no direct work due to the entropy of ideology, intellect, or the simple overwhelming asinine nature of the persons congressing.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

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Filed under new word, New words to live by, Uncategorized

cARtOONSDAY: oN tONIGHT’S mENU

Political fork in the road

In the end, somebody may get his just desserts.

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Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday

The Devil’s Dictionary: Conservative and Republican

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the words Conservative and Republican, which have become synonymous. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine or somebody else contemporary. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

NEW DEFINITION
Conservative, n. I don’t think anything has changed since Bierce first defined conservative as he did, and little can be done to improve on it, other than to say that Conservative and Republican have become so interconnected in U.S. politics as to become two wings of the same buzzard. See Republican(s).

Republicans, n. Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it. –P.J. O’Rourke

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. –H.L. Mencken

Final thoughts:
So, here we have a political party (Republican) that purports to be the party of Conservative, heterosexual, bedrock social/Christian values, in which in Tennessee, in the county of Knox a commissioner stands (an obviously appropriate word in this case) accused of indecent exposure with another man for lewd behavior; a former Knox County mayor gets a divorce because of an alleged affair — and maybe more than one. (At least he waited until toward the end of his time in office to get divorced.); a current Knox County mayor is getting a divorce (at the start of his administration and only four years after saying “I do.”); a Tennessee state representative and a former police officer gets arrested for driving drunk in Nashville, TN, with a loaded gun in his front seat; another Tennessee state representative carves her initials in her publicly owned seat in the state capital, dresses down a Tennessee Highway Patrol Officer for a ticket she got for speeding, and has “interesting” photos of herself on the Internet; a Tennessee state senator uses bogus science and bullying logic to advance a biased personal agenda, and when challenged claims he’s being discriminated against; a national presidential candidate has more affairs than another national presidential candidate has had wives (and that takes a little doing); and that same multi-wife presidential candidate’s current wife has a debt at Tiffany’s over 5 times (and maybe even 10 times) larger than the yearly average American family household income. So with all this moral rectitude and personal frugalness coming from the political party (Republican) claiming to defend Conservative, heterosexual, bedrock social/Christian values, what I want to know is this: When did Peyton Place become a family value?

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Filed under Ambrose Bierce, Conservative, Devil's Dictionary, Republicans, satire

Plucked from the breadlines: Food Porn found near your toaster

News Flash!

Beware of this food porn creeping into your local food store. Spotted today was FlatJacks, an innocent looking addition to your diet, promising to make life easier and in two flavors: Original and “BarBQ.”

All you need is a toaster and about 5 minutes of your time, and all your fowl desires will be met!

Chicken from a toaster

Chicken from a toaster! What next? Will pigs fly?

When asked, the chief of police said: “FlatJacks is not to be trusted. He will lay your waist, and leave you with nothing to crow about. We have one of top detectives on this and he will get to the bottom of it, and then we will lay out the facts and seek prosecution of those trafficking in this chicken s&*^t operation.”

Psychiatrists are warning that what FlatJacks has to offer could be habit forming. Said one: “It’s almost magical, what FlatJacks is promising. ‘Chicken from your toaster!’ Who ever heard of such a thing? Pure fantasy! It would be as if I said if I had enough feather dusters, I could fly.”

Even one Republican Presidential candidate has weighed in, saying: “FlatJacks is free market capitalism at its finest. We politicians used to promise a chicken in every pot. We can now promise one in every toaster! That’s progress.”

Asked if he had tried one, the politician coughed and clucked as if to clear his throat and then referred the question to his aid.

When asked about FlatJacks, the Democratic candidate said he would form a commission to study the matter, and take that commission’s conclusions under advisement.

One local preacher took no time in condemning “this abomination to the very soul of Christianity.” Wiping away sweat as he spoke outside on the church grounds where an outdoor dinner and preaching was taking place.

He continued: “Young folks today do not know the true meaning of dinner on the grounds. In my day, the men dressed in their best Sunday clothes and women wore skirts and dresses, and often wore bonnets or hats, and they brought their best homemade fried chicken. It was a little friendly competition to see who had the best. Now, well now, look around here.” He waved his arm toward his brood. “They come in summer shorts – men and women – I say, and the women, well some of them wear the scantiest of things, and bring KFC chicken, and don’t even bother to take it out of the bucket. Now, now they will be bringing these FlatJack things and demanding we have toasters outside and long extension cords, and rows and rows of toasters. This will become one big stick it and click it dinner. Stick it in the toaster and click the lever down. Stick it and click it. This is Satan’s handiwork, I tell you. Satan’s handiwork.” In the distance a roster crowed for a second time and the preacher broke down and wept.

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Filed under absurdity, Chicken, church, FlatJacks, food porn, Found story, humor, puns, wit, word play