Category Archives: Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Pause, to consider”

“Let’s eat Grandma!”

“Let’s eat, Grandma!”

Commas save lives.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Sure sign”

First writer: “I just finished up at a drug rehab center.”

Second writer: “How was it?”

First writer: “It was okay, except for the nagging signs they placed outside.”

Second writer: “Signs? What did they say?”

First writer, taking a puff: “They said: ‘Keep off the grass.’ And I wasn’t even smoking it at the time.”

Leave a comment

Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “The hand dealt”

A writer bursts into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “Doctor, I believe I am a deck of cards!”

The psychiatrist says, “Sit down and shut up. I’ll deal with you later.”

Leave a comment

Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Tough it out”

Q. Why are Saturday and Sunday the toughest days?

A. Because the others are weakdays.

Enjoy your weak. Yeah, I know, a week joke.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Ditto”

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After a while, one bloke looks at the other and says, “From listening to you I can’t help but think you’re from Ireland.”

The other bloke responds, “Yes, that I am!”

First guy says, “So am I. And were abouts might you be from?”

The second guy: “From Dublin.”

The first guy: “So am I! And what street you live on in Dublin?”

The second guy takes a gulp of his Guinness. It is not his first. “McCleary Street. The old central part of town. Lovely little area it was.”

The first guy takes a gulp of his Guinness. Also not his first. “Mother Mary and begorra. It’s a small world. So did I! And to what school would you have been going?”

The second guy: “I went to St. Mary’s, of course.”

The first guy pounds a fist onto the bar. “So did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”

The second guy told him.

The first guy: “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1984 my own self.”

Vicky, another regular, walks up to the bar and orders an Irish whisky.

Brian, the barman, walks over, shaking his head: “It’s going to be a long night. A long night.”

Vicky: “Why?”

Brian: “The Murphy twins are drunk again.”

Leave a comment

Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Sheepish”

Two sheep gather in a meadow.

Sheep one: “Did you meet the comic writer who moved in to the old house in the valley?”

Sheep two: “I have and I’m not am-ewe-used.”

Leave a comment

Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “The ‘it’ question”

A philosopher, a sage, and a writer enter a bar.

“What’ll it be?” the bartender asks the philosopher.

“The ‘it.’ Yes, the ‘it.’ What will ‘it’ be? That is the question for our time.” She then turns and rushes out of the bar to work on that burning question.

Next, the bartender asks the sage: “What’ll it be?”

“‘It’ will be the beginning. ‘It’ will be the end. ‘It’ will be what was before, what is now, and what will be.” He, too, turn and walks out of the room.

The bartender finally turns to the writer, and a little exasperated, says, “You know the question. What’ll it be?”

“I don’t know what ‘it’ will be. ‘It’ could be anything since there is no antecedent noun for ‘it’ to refer to,” the writer says. “But I will be happy with a beer.”

 

Leave a comment

Filed under 2017, joke, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke