Category Archives: joke by author

Monday morning writing joke: “A.M.S.”

A writer walks into a bar on New Year’s Day.

He takes a stool at the bar and says to the bartender, “I’ve been studying on resolutions and how to keep them.”

“And what have you learned?” the bartender asks, bringing the writer a mug of his favorite beer.

“To succeed, a resolution must have three things. It must be achievable. It must be measurable. And it must be sustainable or repeatable.” He finishes the first mug of beer.

“And so what have you decided?” the bartender asks.

“I’ve decided to have another beer. That way, I can start on a resolution that is achievable, measurable, and sustainable. At least as long as the money holds out.”

“And what happens when the money runs out?”

The writer says, “I’m going to write about it to say whether or not it’s true.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “The right block”

Genie: “You have one wish left.”

The writer thought about it for a few minutes. He looked around the bar. He had already messed up twice and didn’t want to screw up this third wish. Finally, he said, “I want to forget my writer’s block.”

“Is that your wish?”

“Yes, I wish to forget my writer’s block.”

The genie disappeared in a puff of smoke. The writer paid his bill and left the bar, happy to know that he would now be able to write again, once he remembered where he lived.

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Monday morning writing joke: “The final frontier”

Two writers are working in a room.

The would-be mystery writer keeps scratching her head and staring at her screen as she decides what should happen next.

The struggling science fiction writer repeatedly strikes his computer keyboard with his thumb.

Finally, she looks up and asks: “What are you doing?”

“I keep hitting the space bar,” the guy says, “but I’m still here on Earth.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “Crossing”

Why did the author cross the road?

I don’t know. Why?

To catch the agent on the other side. Why did the agent cross the road?

I don’t know.

To catch the editor on the other side. Why did the editor cross the road?

Why?

To catch the publisher on the other side. Why did the publisher cross the road?

Okay, why did the publisher cross the road?

He was following the chicken.

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Monday morning writing joke: “Animal Crackers”

A writer and an elephant walked into a room. The elephant sat down in a chair and the writer sat down at the desk and began typing.

When the writer was done, he printed out the pages and placed them on the table, then left the room.

The elephant, read the pages, made some notations and other comments, then laid the pages back on the desk.

The writer came back into the room, read it and either nodded or wadded up the pages and threw them in the trash.

This went on for several weeks, then one day another tenant in the office complex asked the writer what he was doing.

“Working on a book.”

“What’s the elephant for?”

The writer said, “He’s my editor. My agent said if I didn’t hire an editor to help me with my writing, she’d never be able to sell my next book.”

“But an elephant?”

“He comes highly recommended and he works for peanuts.”

The tenant started to laugh, then stopped and asked, “Who recommended him?”

“My agent, the jackass.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “Write to be wrong”

Q. Why did the non-fiction author break up with the novelist?

A. Because they could agree if fact was stranger than fiction.

 

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Monday morning writing joke: “Once around the block”

A writer goes to his doctor.

Writer: “Doc, can you give me something? I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”

Doctor: “Are you saying you suffer from writer’s block?”

Writer: “That’s my story.”

Doctor: “If that’s your story, how can you have writer’s block?”

The writer then goes to his psychiatrist.

Writer: “Doc, can you give me something? I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”

Psychiatrist: “Are you saying you suffer from writer’s block?”

Writer: “That’s what I said.”

“Not exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

Psychiatrist: “It means your problems are rooted in your expectations.”

“Yes,” the writer said. “I’m expecting you to help me.”

In desperation the writer goes to his mother.

Writer, in tears: “Mom, I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”

Mom: “Why’s that?”

Writer: “I think I suffer from writer’s block.”

Mom: “You know, your Dad had that same problem when I married him, and I was able to help him.”

Writer, his face brightening: “How, Mom, how?!”

Mom: “I had you and the bum had to find a job and go to work.”

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