Category Archives: joke by author

Monday (morning) writing joke: “The ride”

A writer and a genie were trapped in a stuck elevator.

Writer: “Can you get us out of this?”

Genie: “Is that your wish?”

Writer, after thinking about: “Maybe we’ll wait.”

They wait two hours. Then three. Then six. Then….

Finally the writer said: “I wish for everybody in this building to have a wish.”

The genie wasn’t sure what he was getting at by that wish, but there was nothing in the rules against wishing everybody in the building have a wish, so he granted it.

The elevator doors immediately opened. But before the writer could step out, the elevator doors slammed shut and the elevator plunged downward, then upward, then crashed through the building and when it finally stopped the elevator doors opened on hell. The flames shot into the elevator, growing larger, brighter, and hotter.

Shaken by the experience, the writer sputtered: “I wish I had never made my wish.”

The slammed shut. The fire was gone, and the elevator was exactly where it had been when the wishing first started.

Eventually the doors were opened and as the writer was helped out, somebody asked him how he had managed to survive over nine hours in such a small space with nothing to do.

The writer smiled: “I’m a writer. Many days I spend my time in a small space where nothing seems to happen. Usually my imagination fills in the gaps. This was more or less a typical day for me.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “Shocking”

First writer: “Did you hear about the mystery writer whose husband kept asking Alexa for jokes?”

Second writer: “No, what happened?”

First writer: “He was found dead in his bathtub this morning. The police think he was ‘Alexa-cuted.'”

Second writer: “Self-inflicted or murder?”

First writer: “They don’t know, but the police are pretty sure she’ll make book on it.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “A.M.S.”

A writer walks into a bar on New Year’s Day.

He takes a stool at the bar and says to the bartender, “I’ve been studying on resolutions and how to keep them.”

“And what have you learned?” the bartender asks, bringing the writer a mug of his favorite beer.

“To succeed, a resolution must have three things. It must be achievable. It must be measurable. And it must be sustainable or repeatable.” He finishes the first mug of beer.

“And so what have you decided?” the bartender asks.

“I’ve decided to have another beer. That way, I can start on a resolution that is achievable, measurable, and sustainable. At least as long as the money holds out.”

“And what happens when the money runs out?”

The writer says, “I’m going to write about it to say whether or not it’s true.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “The right block”

Genie: “You have one wish left.”

The writer thought about it for a few minutes. He looked around the bar. He had already messed up twice and didn’t want to screw up this third wish. Finally, he said, “I want to forget my writer’s block.”

“Is that your wish?”

“Yes, I wish to forget my writer’s block.”

The genie disappeared in a puff of smoke. The writer paid his bill and left the bar, happy to know that he would now be able to write again, once he remembered where he lived.

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Monday morning writing joke: “The final frontier”

Two writers are working in a room.

The would-be mystery writer keeps scratching her head and staring at her screen as she decides what should happen next.

The struggling science fiction writer repeatedly strikes his computer keyboard with his thumb.

Finally, she looks up and asks: “What are you doing?”

“I keep hitting the space bar,” the guy says, “but I’m still here on Earth.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “Crossing”

Why did the author cross the road?

I don’t know. Why?

To catch the agent on the other side. Why did the agent cross the road?

I don’t know.

To catch the editor on the other side. Why did the editor cross the road?

Why?

To catch the publisher on the other side. Why did the publisher cross the road?

Okay, why did the publisher cross the road?

He was following the chicken.

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Monday morning writing joke: “Animal Crackers”

A writer and an elephant walked into a room. The elephant sat down in a chair and the writer sat down at the desk and began typing.

When the writer was done, he printed out the pages and placed them on the table, then left the room.

The elephant, read the pages, made some notations and other comments, then laid the pages back on the desk.

The writer came back into the room, read it and either nodded or wadded up the pages and threw them in the trash.

This went on for several weeks, then one day another tenant in the office complex asked the writer what he was doing.

“Working on a book.”

“What’s the elephant for?”

The writer said, “He’s my editor. My agent said if I didn’t hire an editor to help me with my writing, she’d never be able to sell my next book.”

“But an elephant?”

“He comes highly recommended and he works for peanuts.”

The tenant started to laugh, then stopped and asked, “Who recommended him?”

“My agent, the jackass.”

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