Category Archives: joke by author

Monday morning writing joke: “Animal Crackers”

A writer and an elephant walked into a room. The elephant sat down in a chair and the writer sat down at the desk and began typing.

When the writer was done, he printed out the pages and placed them on the table, then left the room.

The elephant, read the pages, made some notations and other comments, then laid the pages back on the desk.

The writer came back into the room, read it and either nodded or wadded up the pages and threw them in the trash.

This went on for several weeks, then one day another tenant in the office complex asked the writer what he was doing.

“Working on a book.”

“What’s the elephant for?”

The writer said, “He’s my editor. My agent said if I didn’t hire an editor to help me with my writing, she’d never be able to sell my next book.”

“But an elephant?”

“He comes highly recommended and he works for peanuts.”

The tenant started to laugh, then stopped and asked, “Who recommended him?”

“My agent, the jackass.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “Write to be wrong”

Q. Why did the non-fiction author break up with the novelist?

A. Because they could agree if fact was stranger than fiction.

 

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Monday morning writing joke: “Once around the block”

A writer goes to his doctor.

Writer: “Doc, can you give me something? I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”

Doctor: “Are you saying you suffer from writer’s block?”

Writer: “That’s my story.”

Doctor: “If that’s your story, how can you have writer’s block?”

The writer then goes to his psychiatrist.

Writer: “Doc, can you give me something? I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”

Psychiatrist: “Are you saying you suffer from writer’s block?”

Writer: “That’s what I said.”

“Not exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

Psychiatrist: “It means your problems are rooted in your expectations.”

“Yes,” the writer said. “I’m expecting you to help me.”

In desperation the writer goes to his mother.

Writer, in tears: “Mom, I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”

Mom: “Why’s that?”

Writer: “I think I suffer from writer’s block.”

Mom: “You know, your Dad had that same problem when I married him, and I was able to help him.”

Writer, his face brightening: “How, Mom, how?!”

Mom: “I had you and the bum had to find a job and go to work.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “Flash”

First writer: “My editor told me my flashbacks were so weak they needed new batteries.”

Second writer: “What did you say?”

First writer: “I said, ‘You know, that reminds me of the first time you….’”

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Monday morning writing joke: “Stop it”

Writer one: “Did you hear about the play about the writer of run-on sentences who committed suicide?”

Writer two: “No.”

Writer one: “It’s a period piece.”

 

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Monday morning writing joke: “Sheepish”

Two sheep gather in a meadow.

Sheep one: “Did you meet the comic writer who moved in to the old house in the valley?”

Sheep two: “I have and I’m not am-ewe-used.”

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Monday morning writing joke: “The ‘it’ question”

A philosopher, a sage, and a writer enter a bar.

“What’ll it be?” the bartender asks the philosopher.

“The ‘it.’ Yes, the ‘it.’ What will ‘it’ be? That is the question for our time.” She then turns and rushes out of the bar to work on that burning question.

Next, the bartender asks the sage: “What’ll it be?”

“‘It’ will be the beginning. ‘It’ will be the end. ‘It’ will be what was before, what is now, and what will be.” He, too, turn and walks out of the room.

The bartender finally turns to the writer, and a little exasperated, says, “You know the question. What’ll it be?”

“I don’t know what ‘it’ will be. ‘It’ could be anything since there is no antecedent noun for ‘it’ to refer to,” the writer says. “But I will be happy with a beer.”

 

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