Author Archives: debooker
Q.: What’s the difference between a propaganda writer and a roman candle?
A.: Depends upon how much a roman candle is selling for.
Three writers walk into a fireworks store. Each has $1. One buys a cherry bomb. The second buys a pack of firecrackers. The third buys a sparkler. Which one’s the poet?
A.: The one with the cherry bomb. Metaphorically, he’s trying to get the biggest bang for his buck.
The quest for the highest office in the land begins … again.
The blathering idiot and Lydia were sitting in a conference room with the consultant. The blathering idiot was about to go out to the podium and microphone and announce his candidacy for the highest office in the land.
“We have to do it now,” the consultant said. “June is National Accordion month. We are the Pro-Accordion Party. If we don’t announce now, what will people think?”
Lydia nodded. “He has a point.”
“Then why aren’t accordion makers sponsoring us?” the blathering idiot asked.
“Because there are no accordion makers in the U.S. They’re all made overseas and foreign companies and countries can’t buy elections.”
“But U.S. companies can?”
“That’s not what I meant,” the consultant said. He wiped the sweat from his brow. “Look, this was the best I could do. I will try for additional sponsors, but right now this is the only one, and unlike other parties and candidates, we need one. Hell, we need more than one.”
“I have to read all of it?”
Lydia touched his arm. “I will be out there with you. You read part of it. I’ll read part of it.”
“And the consultant will read part of it?”
“That’s not his job,” Lydia said.
“But it is mine?”
Lydia nodded. “Sadly, yes.”
Shaking his head, the blathering idiot walked to the next room and stepped up on podium. It looked out at the two, maybe three people who had come to hear his announcement.
“I, today, am again a candidate for the highest office in the land. I do this because … because …” From that point on, the blathering idiot rambled about making the country a better place, unifying the waring ideological factions, and giving a voice to the voiceless. He finished, turned, and started to leave. Lydia grabbed his arm and gently turned him around and handed him a piece of paper. The blathering idiot turned, cleared his throat, and read:
“And now a word from our sponsor: This campaign for the highest office in the land is brought to you by Puns in a Pak. Whether you buy one pack, two, or get the deep discount for buying by the gross, Puns in a Pak are shop-tested and well-lubricated – ready to slip into your casual conversation, work e-mail, or most intimate moment. Nothing lifts a trite phrase up out of the dust bin of inequity like Puns in a Pak. On sale today online or at your local grammarian shop. And for those politically minded, try our Puns in a PAC. Nothing says politics like Puns in a PAC. Ask us about our special Super-Pak PAC of puns, created especially for this election season. Puns in PAC, when nothing else will do.”
I just want to know who the injured party is in this case.
Five Tips to Keep You Passionate About Your Writing
by M. SHANNON HERNANDEZ
Tap, tap, tap — that is the sound of your creative fingertips hitting the keyboard.
As writers, we spend our days and nights hovering over our keyboards, pouring our ideas into a machine that will hopefully make sense of all that is going on in our brains. And don’t get me wrong — it is a wonderful life — but sometimes we look up to see that we have veered off track. Or perhaps we have worked so hard on a piece that maybe we aren’t quite so passionate about it anymore. I’ve been there before, and I am sure you have, too.
How can we stay on track, writing about those things which keep us passionate, when we must write for a living, day in and day out? Below you will find five tips to keep you passionate in your writing.
- Stay in your lane: To stay passionate throughout your writing career, it’s important that you know the topics you enjoy writing about, and you stick to those topics. When we venture off into writing about things that don’t fully interest us, we risk losing our luster for our craft.
- Define your writing qualities: What formats of writing do you enjoy most? Blog posts, email marketing campaigns, fictional short stories? Be sure you have a clear definition of the types of writing you are willing to take on, and stick to your standards!
- Create a mission statement: Now that you know what topics you are passionate about, and what forms of writing you will spend your time crafting, it’s time to connect to your bigger vision and mission in life. Why do you spend your time writing this stuff? Craft a mission statement that will help you pull it all together and keep you going strong when you begin to waiver.
- Remove the roadblocks:
- Weed out negativity:
Arm yourself with these five strategies so you can continue living and writing passionately. Tap, tap, tap… your keyboard is waiting on you.