Two writers who didn’t like each other met in a bar, as such writers often do. Each claimed it was his favorite bar and each claimed he had found it first. After several months of glowering at each other and bad mouthing each other, they agree to settle the matter with a duel of puns.
Since neither writer won the fourth round, a coin was tossed and the short writer was allowed to go first for round five. A set of cards was placed on the table between them, face down. On each card was a subject. The short writer flipped the card over and the subject was philosophy.
Props were allowed, and for each turn, each writer could make one phone call.
For round five, the rules were amended. Each writer had to say his pun and the audience would get to pick which one they preferred. The bartender, a waiter, and a waitress would be the judges as to who got the loudest groan.
After thinking a moment, the short writer asked, “I tried to think of philosophical pun, but I Kant.”
There was a slight groan from the patrons in the bar.
The tall writer waited until things were quiet, then he said, “A man walks into a crowded bar at a Philosophy convention. A woman at the bar looks him over, bats her eyes, and smiles. He buys her drink, then another, and another. Finally the guy between them leaves and he scoots over. She immediately gets up and starts to leave. ‘Hey,” he says, ‘what about the drinks I bought you?’ She turns back to him and says, ‘How you Spinoza time and money is not my concern.’ ‘Oh,’ he shouts, ‘You’re Socratease.’”
The crowd groaned, twice.
Round five went to the tall writer. The tall writer now had 2 wins, 1 loss, and 2 ties.” The short writer had 1 win, 2 losses, and 2 ties.