Two writers who didn’t like each other met in a bar, as such writers often do. Each claimed it was his favorite bar and each claimed he had found it first.
After several months of glowering at each other and bad mouthing each other, they agree to settle the matter with a duel of puns. A set of cards was placed on the table between them, face down. On each card was a subject. Each writer in turn would flip over the top card and then each writer would have to come up with a pun that the other writer would have to guess. There would be several rounds, possibly over several nights. The bartender, a waiter, and a waitress would be the judges, scoring each round.
Props were allowed, and for each turn, each writer could make one phone call.
The tall, thin writer won the coin toss, so he decided to turn over the first card. The card read, “animal.”
The shorter, plump writer thought about it for a moment and called a friend. In a few minutes, a duck started appearing at the windows of the bar. First looking in one window, then the next, then another.
The tall writer made a few guesses, none of them right. Finally he gave up.
“Peeking duck,” the short writer said.
The bartender and wait staff nodded, thinking it was a pretty good pun.
The tall writer felt sweat running down the back of his shirt. He wasn’t sure what to do, then he had an idea and called a friend at a costume shop.
In a little while, a Panda walked into the bar, dressed in baggy clothes. Every now and then, the pants on the Panda would fall and the bear would have to bend over to pull them up, causing people to laugh, giggle, even turn red-faced every now and then.
I know what this is, the short writer said: “Panda moonin’ ’em. Pandemonium.”
Round one to the short writer.