There once was a sports writer extraordinaire, /
Who knew nothing of football and didn’t care. /
Touchdown, first down, /
He watched them all from a bar downtown, /
Where his vast knowledge he could share.
And a few football quotes and additional humor to help liven the week before college football begins.
“I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.”
–Bob Devaney / Nebraska
“In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.” –Wally Butts / Georgia
“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.”
–-Alex Karras / Iowa
“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.”
–Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
“If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”
–Murray Warmath / Minnesota
“The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.”
–Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.”
–John McKay / USC
“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.” –Urban Meyer / Ohio State
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
What does the average Alabama player get on his SAT? Drool.
How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? None. That’s a sophomore course.
How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.” The other looked up in the sky and said,” Where?”
What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.