Tag Archives: word play

New words to live by: “awfulizer”

It is the first weekend of the month and time again for a new word to live. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but should be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. The new word for March is awfulizer. This is a combination of the wore awful and the suffix “-izer” or sometimes “-iser,” as in someone who makes something happen. For example, a compromiser is some who makes compromises.

awful, n. 1. unpleasant, extremely bad; ugly. 2. terrible; dreadful; inspiring fear.

It can also mean inspiring awe, as in awful majesty of the ocean or solemn reverence, but in those cases most people tend toward the word awesome.

In this case, an awfulizer is someone inspiring fear, dreadfulness, and can be extremely unpleasant to be around. Maybe a haiku can help illustrate the new word’s meaning.

The awfulizer
catastrophizes all things,
her coworkers said.

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Knee jerk reaction to “selfie”

Miley Cyrus did all she could do to promote twerking.

Miley Cyrus did all she could do to promote twerking.

After all the work Miley Cyrus did to get the folks at the Oxford English Dictionary to select “twerk” or “twerking” as the next new word to be added, the judges at this bastion of English word deification and definition thumbed their noses at her and instead selected the warped word “selfie” to be included.

Anyway owning a smart cell(ular) (tele)phone with a front facing camera (And what self-respecting, self-involved dummy DOESN’T have one?) can engage in selfie-ism. Just pose, point, and click. Upload to your Facebook page, your blog, your Pinterest spot, your Twitter account, and anywhere else your digital self resides.

Personally, I am disappointed.

With all the work I have done to promote such new words as obsurd (obscure and absurd), face tedious (where you spend so much time on social media, commenting and in other ways inserting yourself, you become face tedious. Certainly, too many selfies can make that happen.), flib, and elastation just to name a few, why the judges lowered themselves to consider works like twerk and selfie is beyond me.

I can only surmise that their selection was some knee jerk reaction.

In honor of that, here is my selfie. My knee selfie. Take that, Oxford English Dictionary.

My knee selfie.

My knee selfie.

The reason I have not been blogging as much recently is because I recently had knee surgery. I had six holes cut into my knee and fifteen to twenty alien bodies removed. I assure you, they were not from outer space nor in this country illegally. To recover I am supposed to apply ice to swollen area and lay down with my knee elevated above my heart as much as possible.

It’s a little hard to blog from a supine position. Additionally (though math is not my strong suit at this time), some of the medication I am taking renders me time and space challenged. Therefore and henceforth, to wit from this knee jerking wit, you will probably be reading fewer entries from me for a while.

But look on the bright side (or brighter side as the case may be), at least I won’t be out anywhere twerking. With a knee that swollen, I am not even able to shake a leg, let alone anything else.

Happy Holidays.

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Monday morning writing joke: “A programmer’s dozen”

The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “Dead again,” part 2

In honor of all the zombie movies over the past year, and books about zombies and other dead creatures, here is the second of two or three “dead” jokes, puns, bits of humor. Groan as you see fit.

Q.: What do you call…

…a race between zombies?

A.: A dead run.

…a warm day for zombies?

A.: A dead heat.

…a zombie who ate his girlfriend?

A.: A dead ‘n’ ate her.

…a zombie in an explosion?

A.: Dead bone air.

…somebody killed by a medieval zombie?

A.: Dead of knight.

…a zombie politician too long in office?

A.: A deadencated public servant.

.…a lobbyist?

A.: Dead weight.

…500 zombie lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A.: Habeas corpses.

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “Dead again, ” part 1

In honor of all the zombie movies over the past year, and books about zombies and other dead creatures, here is the first of two or three “dead” jokes, puns, bits of humor. Groan as you see fit.

Q.: What do you call…

…a dead psychiatrist?

A.: A dead head.

…a dead musician?

A.: A dead beat.

…a dead twin bell musician?

A.: A dead ringer.

…a dead sailor?

A.: Dead lee

…a dead radio personality?

A.: Dead air

…a dead royal radio personality?

A.: Dead air apparent.

…a dead conservative?

A. Dead to rights

…a dead writer’s last sentence?

A. A deadline.

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “Under a spell (checker)”

Ode to the Spell Check

Eye halve a spelling chequer

It cam with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

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Sunday silliness: “The Ewe Conundrum”

by DAVID E. BOOKER

Said the lama to the llama,
“I know not where ewe stands.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“To know would be rather grand.”

Said the lama to the llama
As they stood under the ewe tree,
Said the lama to the llama,
“O’ beast, can’t you tell me?”

Said the lama to the llama,
“You’re not like the little ewe.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“I could tell her what to do.”

Said the lama to the llama,
“Won’t you please enlighten me?”
Said the lama to the llama,
“To enlighten is to set free.”

Said the lama to the llama,
“Just one simple, single sign.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“One little sign would be just fine.”

Said the lama to the llama,
“Oh why, oh why, oh why?”
Said the lama to the llama,
“My patience you do try.”

Said the lama to the llama,
“I want an answer now!”
Said the lama to the llama,
“I should have brought a cow.”

Said the lama to the llama
After the llama spit in his eye,
Said the lama to the lama,
“I guess this means good-bye.”

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New Word: “Face tedious”

It is the first Saturday of the month and time again for a new word to live. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but might need to be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. Today’s New Word is actually a phrase instead of word maybe by merging two other words as has been the case before. Still, without further chattering is the new word for the month of July:

Face tedious, n. what you become to others when you spend too much time on Facebook and other social media commenting and posting too often with too little to actually say. In short, a virtual bore, or “vore.”

Example: Bob kept commenting on Sam’s vacation photos posted on Facebook. He had commented so much and so often that he was a face tedious to all of Sam’s other friends who had liked or commented on the photos, because they kept getting notifications that Bob had commented yet again. None of them “liked” Bob’s comments any more and many of them wished for a “vore” symbol to click to send Bob a message.

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “That’s the spirit”

A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a gin and tonic.

“Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve spirits.”

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New word: “subsus”

In this day and time health experts across the country are telling Americans that the average American diet is a wreck: two low in fiber, too high in fat, too high in salt, too many calories, etc. What is needed is a word to capture all this, and here it is: subsus.

Subsus is a combination of
Substandard: adj., meaning below standard or less than adequate.

and

Sustenance: n., means of sustaining life, nourishment.

Now, your doctor or health professional, when he or she tells you to lose weight and eat better, can sum it all up with one word: subsus. “Fred, as you know, your subsus will be your undoing, first of your belt, then your pants’ button, and then your very health.”

Fred then will heave a big sigh and promise to do better, but after several mornings of nothing but one poached egg, one piece of plain, un-buttered toast, and one cup of tepid, black coffee, Fred may feel he is suffering subsus of a different sort.

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