Tag Archives: random thoughts

Unkempt

A quiet moment:
My thoughts about you gather.
Unkempt, lost what ifs.

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Filed under haiku, poem, poetry by author, Random thought

Just a thought

Too many politicians, in an attempt to catch fire in the voters’ imagination, do nothing but stoke the fires of the voters’ fears. –from the blog editor

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Filed under politicians, politics, Random Access Thoughts, Random thought

New Year’s thoughts from the blathering idiot

Blathering Idiot and why we are here

Don't know; don't want to know

If the universe was made for me, why doesn’t it fit better?

Or

If I was made for the universe, why do I feel like I was made from all the second-rate spare parts?

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Filed under blathering idiot, Cartoon, fun, humor, the universe, word play

The misunderstood PPE gargles

The misunderstood PPE gargles
Are related to the ancient fargles.
They live in a land
Of neither rock nor sand,
But they fit over eyes like sparkles.

These oddly named PPE gargles
Can only be worn by gargoyles.
When they sit on the edge
Of a building or ledge
The gargles give their eyes stargles.

These stargles come out in the night
When there is no moon or no light.
And only the gargoyles can see
With their gargles PPE
All the wonders and terrible frights.

Fargles were gargles of a time
When the gargoyles lived in the brine.
And all they could see
Without the fargles that be
Was the salt, the sea, and the grime.

Gargoyle with his PPE gargles

Gargoyle with his PPE gargles

Now armed with their PPE gargles
Gargoyles with stare at their stargles
They will sit on their ledge
Whole worlds in their heads.
And nary burp, nor chirp, nor hargle.

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Filed under abreviation, absurdity, animals, Cartoon, fargles, fun, gargles, gargoyle, Halloween, holiday, humor, imagination, poem, poetry, PPE, Random Access Thoughts, Random thought, story poem, word play, words, writing

Brother, can you spare a controversy?

“Change is one thing, progress is another. ‘Change’ is scientific, ‘progress’ is ethical; change is indubitable, whereas progress is a matter of controversy.” ~ Bertrand Russell

If still alive, I wonder what Bertrand Russell would make of Rick Perry and a host of others, mostly conservative Republicans, who find climate change dubitable indeed. Then again, Perry and company don’t have much truck with science. Progress as they define it is not a matter of controversy. Change, however, is. And if they have to change the way they think or act or the truck they drive, well, that’s the most controversial of all.

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Filed under Bertrand Russell, change, controversy, GOP, Philosopher, politicians, progress, Quote of the day, Random Access Thoughts, Random thought, Republicans, responsibility

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to abbreviate

From the local newspaper, two TV listings that caught my eye:

(COOK) Extra Virgin Gabriele and Debi get chickens from fresh eggs.

[Is this an example of the philosophical conundrum: which came first, the chicken or the (fresh) egg?]

(HGTV) Donna Decorates Dallas A teen wants a rich, Texas hunting lodge-style in his room.

[I guess it wasn't enough that Debbie did Dallas already, now it has to be decorated in a rich, Texas hunting lodge style. And for a teen, no less.]

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Filed under abbreviations, absurdity, humor, Random Access Thoughts, Random thought, TV listings, word play, words

The Kibitizer and the Kidd, part 3

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The apothecary was almost done making the cough drops, but the Kibitzer was tired of watching. He ho-hummed to himself, took another bite of some slightly stale popcorn, and decided watching was not always what he had pictured it would be. It was a very unpleasant observation and it did not sit well him or his stomach. The popcorn didn’t help. He belched once in hopes of relief.

It was during the descent of the belch out of his mouth that he heard what sounded like a pop, saw the delivery boy run out of the saloon, and then watched as lightning tripped the light fantastic across the kid’s body.

He then saw another two or three people scurry out of the saloon as if escaping an unpleasantry, like a distant relative’s interminable funeral or a spelling bee where they were next up and the word was interminable.

The Kibitzer forgot all about the cough drops and stepped outside, glancing toward the sky as if somehow he could observe a bolt of lightning before it hit him, and then considered running through the rain to the other side of the street.

That’s when a young lady came up and kneed him in the groin.

The Kibitzer dropped to the wooden sidewalk, balled up, and began rocking back and forth as if it might dissipate the pain.

“My name’s Bonnie,” she said, leaning over him. “No man leaves my apothecary without payin’ for what he ordered.”

“I wasn’t leaving,” the Kibitzer said, his teeth still clenched.

Finally, he rolled over onto all fours.

“Didn’t you see the kid out there? He got struck by lightning?”

Bonnie shrugged. “Happens a lot lately. He’ll be okay. Nobody in this town dies anymore. Been bad for my business, I tell you.”

The Kibitzer was again standing fully erect, if feeling a little tender. The rain had slackened to almost a light drizzle.

“We already lost two undertakers and the saw bones has gone back to yankin’ teeth. If it weren’t for medicinals for that, I’d probably be blowin’ in the wind, too.” She then slipped him the bill for the cough drops.

The Kibitzer looked at it. “What, no discount for the laying on of hands?”

She smiled at him, then raised her hand. In the muddled light of the evening, she still looked quite menacing. “I didn’t finish.”

The Kibitzer paid her and gave her a generous tip.

He then dashed out into the rain, forgetting the cough drops.

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Filed under absurdity, fun, humor, kibitzer, kidd, Random Access Thoughts, Random thought, satire, story, western, word play, writing

Apropos of nothing at all

Oh, if my client weren’t thin,

I might try again

To give ol’ Ozzie a wondrous spin.

But as it stands now,

I’d have to be more than a cow

To udderly grasp the glass teat, oh how?

And if I chocked the chicken

It might take a lickin’

And come round a pickin’

a row

with the cow

or a sow

somehow.

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Filed under absurdity, animals, cow, humor, Ozzie, poem, poetry, Random Access Thoughts, Random thought, word play, words

Not so slim waisted

I'm not sure what to make of this offer on Twitter. If she thinks I am somehow one of these women in the guise of a not-so-slim-waisted man, she would definitely be disappointed.

As a recent member of Twitter, it sometimes surprises me what can get done with only 140 characters.

Take this offer, for example. Certainly the name should say it all: “Jenny Breastits.” But to further drive home the point, she is “@LovelySoftBoobs.” And if that is not enough, her description makes it absolutely clear what she loves.

What I don’t understand is why she wants to follow my tweets? I am not a woman, don’t have the naturally full items she is most interested in, and I possess a not so slim waist. If she thinks I am harboring any of these things, she is suffering from delusions I cannot even begin to fathom.

Twitter may have a limit of 140 characters, but it does seem that at times, all of those characters are odd.

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Filed under absurdity, fun, humor, odd, puns, Random Access Thoughts, Random thought, sex, slim waist, social media, true story, twitter

The idiopathic blathering idiot

The blathering idiot went to the dermatologist. Once the examination was over and the doctor had looked at his knuckle pads and his tinea versicolor, the dermatologist pronounced him a case of idiopathic medicine.

At first the blathering idiot felt insulted. While not the brightest bulb in the box or the sharpest saw on the rack, he did not consider himself an idiot, and he told the doctor so.

The doctor smiled, and then said, idiopathic means “modern medicine does not know the cause of either of your conditions.”

He then explained that for the knuckle pads, “we usually do nothing, unless they start causing you pain.”

For the tinea versicolor, a naturally occurring fungus that is in everybody’s skin, “it just runs a little wild in some people,” he gave the blathering idiot a prescription, then said of having two idiopathic conditions, “It just means you’re special.”

That made the blathering idiot feel better.

He then went to his local pharmacy to turn in his prescription. As he turned in the script, he saw a sign glued beneath the lip of the counter that read: “Select narcotics in time-delay safe.”

When the pharmacy technician took his prescription, the blathering idiot asked, “Which ones can I select?”

“Which what?” the tech asked.

“Which narcotics?” the blathering idiot said.

She looked at his prescription. “Your script doesn’t say anything about a narcotic.”

“But I can select one, right?”

She frowned. “No.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not supposed to get any.”

Select Narcotics in Time Delay Safe

Select Narcotics in Time Delay Safe

“But it says I should select narcotics from the time delay safe.”

“It does not.”

“Yes, it does.”

“Where?”

He pointed at the sign. “Here!”

“It does not—”

“Yes, it does.” Clearly this young woman had not heard that he, the blathering idiot, was special. “Come out here and see.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what? Read?”

She glared at him. “I can’t come out there. It’s against the rules. I am the only person on duty back here right now and the rules say I can’t leave my station.”

“All I want is what the sign says I should select.”

“I think you should go to another pharmacy,” she said and offered him back the script. To be sure he understood, she pressed an intercom button and asked for “special assistance” in the pharmacy.

Insulted when a guard appeared, the blathering idiot snatched the script and marched out the door and to the next nearest pharmacy. As he walked up to the pharmacy counter, he again found the words: “Select narcotics in time delay safe” and hoped he would have better luck here.

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