Tag Archives: GOP

Stacey-I-am

Tennessee state Senator Stacey Campfield

Tennessee state Senator Stacey Campfield

I am Stacey.
Stacey I am.

That Stacey-I-am!
That Stacey-I-am!
Do you not like
That Stacey-I-am?

Do you not like
My flavor of ham?

I do not like you
Stacey-I-am
I do not like
Your favor of ham.

Would you like it
Here or there?

I would not like it
Here or there.
I would not like it
Anywhere.
I do not like
Your flavor of ham.
I do not like it,
Stacey-I-am.

Would you like it
In a senate or a house?
Would you like it
With a correct spouse?

I would not like it
In a senate or a house
I would not like it
And neither does my spouse.
I do not like it
Here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like your flavor of ham.
I do not like you, Stacey-I-am.

Would you like it
In a box?
Would you like it
On Faux News Fox?

Not in a box.
Not on Faux News Fox.
Not in a senate or a house.
Not with my spouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like your flavor of ham.
I do not like you, Stacey-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
In a stadium?
I could wear a mask
And create some mayhem.

I would not, could not
In a stadium.

You may like it.
You will see.
You may like it
On TV!

I would not, could not on TV.
Not in a stadium! You let me be.
I do not like it in a box.
I do not like it on Faux News Fox.
I do not like it in a senate or a house.
I do not like it with a correct spouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like your flavor of ham.
I do not like you, Stacey-I-am.

A plane! A plane!
Could you, would you
On a plane?
The monkey can fly while I explain.

Not on a plane! Not in a stadium!
Not in a mask! Stacey, stop the mayhem!
I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, on Faux News Fox.
I will not and neither will my spouse.
I will not like you in a senate or a house.
I will not like you here or there.
I will not like you anywhere.
I do not like you, Stacey-I-am.

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not,
in the dark.
Though from the dark
Is where you hark.

Would you, could you,
on voting day?
We can starve children
And “Don’t Say Gay.”

I would not, could not, on voting day.
Not in the dark. Not in any way,
Not in a stadium, Not on TV.
I do not like you, Stacey, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a box.
Not with my spouse or Faux News Fox.
Not in a plane. Not in a mask.
I do not like you, so don’t ask.
I do not like you here or there.
I do not like you anywhere!

I do not like
Your type of ham.
I do not like you
Stacey-I-am.

So when it comes
Election day
I’ll pull the lever
And send you away.

Stacey Campfield on TV.

Stacey Campfield on TV.

–with apologies to Dr. Seuss. Parody by David E. Booker

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The Devil’s Dictionary: “Corporation, Congress, Lobbyist, Tea Party”

A young Ambrose Bierce

A young Ambrose Bierce

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the words Corporation and Congress. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Congress, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

NEW DEFINITION
Corporation, n.The only think I could add to corporation is: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Peopled with overcompensated executives whose sole purpose is to privatize the profit and socialize the debt. In the vernacular: heads, I win (I get to keep the profit); tails you lose (You have to cover the bad debts).

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

Congress, n. A body of men and women who meet to repeal laws, generally at the behest of a corporation. This is now true of both the federal Congress and the state Congresses throughout the U.S.

Lobbyist, n. Paid influence peddler, bag man for the corporation, general thief in the night whose sole purpose on behalf of corporations is to see that Congress understands which laws are to be repealed or weakened, and how this should be done, particularly since too many lobbyists are former elected officials. Lobbyists can promote on behalf of other entities and not only corporations, but the goal is generally the same.

Tea Party, n. Cult subset of the GOP, and thus a subset of Congress. Money fueled by extreme right wing corporations and billionaires. Known for lack of ability to get what it wants, so it succeeds at punishing everybody, especially the GOP, of which it is supposedly part. Claims to be for personal responsibility, except when taking responsibility for its actions. Then it blames the media and the Washington establishment.
[Editor’s note: lobbyist and Tea Party were not terms in use when The Devil’s Dictionary was created. This entry was originally listed in 2012, but is updated to include the Tea Party. ]

Final word:
“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” –MARK TWAIN

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GOP Congressman Makes Park Ranger Apologize for Shutdown

GOP Congressman Makes Park Ranger Apologize for Shutdown.

GOP = God’s Openly Pompous

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Silly Bills

by David E. Booker

O’, Pause and let us now behold
the elected intelligence in all its mold.
Bills run amuck of mind and light:
Sufficient fright for a Halloween night.
And there was more, lest you forget
a bill to take away your right to vote yet
for the U.S. Senator of your choice
Enlightened legislators said, “That’s our voice.”
Only a call from fed Senator Corker
prevented that piece of legislative porker.
Many other state bills ceased to be
because big money donors were displeased.
So, say what you will about money buying votes.
It may not get bills passed; but it can get them smote.

________

Tennessee State flag: 0' what trouble can they conceive when the state GOP is allowed to breathe.

Tennessee State flag: 0′ what trouble can they conceive when the state GOP is allowed to breathe.

NASHVILLE — On the state Senate floor last week, Sen. Brian Kelsey brought up a resolution that he explained as putting senators on record as declaring “if the federal government tries to infringe on our rights as American citizens, then we will intervene and fight for those rights.”

This prompted Senate Majority Leader Mark Norris to ask his fellow Republican how the resolution (SR17) differed from perhaps the most prominent of several bills introduced this year to nullify federal laws and subject federal officers to prosecution should they try to enforce them.

For the rest of the story, follow this link:
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2013/apr/07/tennessee-gop-supermajority-eases-up-on-silly/

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Filed under GOP, poetry by author, political humor

Life is like a box of … politicians

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2013/mar/13/wine-in-grocery-stores-bill-dies-by-1-vote-in/?partner=popular

Wine-in-grocery-stores bill dies by 1 vote in House committee

Why is it in my state, Tennessee, I can walk into a Super Wal-Mart and buy a rack of lamb and a box of bullets, but I can’t go in a buy a rack of lamb and box of wine?

Tennessee State flag

Tennessee State flag

Somehow, according to the fine, upstanding, bought and paid for, public servants in Nashville, it’s my God-given right if I want to buy something to potentially blow somebody else away, but heaven forbid if I want to buy something in a Super Wal-Mart, or even a “regular” grocery story, that might be used to “blow” myself away for a little while.

This in a state with a super-Republican majority in both the state House and Senate. This in the face of the Republican manta of less government. This in the thrall of hypocrisy about competition being the life blood of a “free market.”

It’s only less government if you buy it.

It’s only less government for you if you can make somebody else pay with a little less choice.

It’s only less government if you are the one defining it as so.

It’s only a box of … GOP politicians.

Yep, less government. Just big enough to fit in your bedroom.

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New word: “congressed”

Upon occasion, it seems that there are gaps in the English language: experiences, ideas, emotions, and even eventualities that don’t quite have a word to identify them. Today, we have one such experience in need of a new definition…

They congressed.

v.i. (verb intransitive): To meet for no discernible reason, to then accomplish no discernible goal, and then to adjourn with no discernible conclusion.

Speeches can be made, positions staked out, even bills passed out, but all of little note in addressing the issues at hand.

They congressed despite themselves, and were well paid for it.

As well as a verb intransitive which means a verb that needs no direct object, this is a new classification of verb, known as the verb intransigent: meaning a verb that has no direct object and does no direct work due to the entropy of ideology, intellect, or the simple overwhelming asinine nature of the persons congressing.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

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Freeform Friday: “And they call the wind Oh-My-Oh”

Cartoon of Angry White Guy

Superstorm Sandy was not the only ill wind to blow ashore this recent election season.

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