Tag Archives: GOP

The Devil’s Dictionary: “Corporation, Congress, Lobbyist, Tea Party”

A young Ambrose Bierce

A young Ambrose Bierce

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the words Corporation and Congress. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Congress, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

NEW DEFINITION
Corporation, n.The only think I could add to corporation is: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Peopled with overcompensated executives whose sole purpose is to privatize the profit and socialize the debt. In the vernacular: heads, I win (I get to keep the profit); tails you lose (You have to cover the bad debts).

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

Congress, n. A body of men and women who meet to repeal laws, generally at the behest of a corporation. This is now true of both the federal Congress and the state Congresses throughout the U.S.

Lobbyist, n. Paid influence peddler, bag man for the corporation, general thief in the night whose sole purpose on behalf of corporations is to see that Congress understands which laws are to be repealed or weakened, and how this should be done, particularly since too many lobbyists are former elected officials. Lobbyists can promote on behalf of other entities and not only corporations, but the goal is generally the same.

Tea Party, n. Cult subset of the GOP, and thus a subset of Congress. Money fueled by extreme right wing corporations and billionaires. Known for lack of ability to get what it wants, so it succeeds at punishing everybody, especially the GOP, of which it is supposedly part. Claims to be for personal responsibility, except when taking responsibility for its actions. Then it blames the media and the Washington establishment.
[Editor's note: lobbyist and Tea Party were not terms in use when The Devil's Dictionary was created. This entry was originally listed in 2012, but is updated to include the Tea Party. ]

Final word:
“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” –MARK TWAIN

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GOP Congressman Makes Park Ranger Apologize for Shutdown

GOP Congressman Makes Park Ranger Apologize for Shutdown.

GOP = God’s Openly Pompous

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Silly Bills

by David E. Booker

O’, Pause and let us now behold
the elected intelligence in all its mold.
Bills run amuck of mind and light:
Sufficient fright for a Halloween night.
And there was more, lest you forget
a bill to take away your right to vote yet
for the U.S. Senator of your choice
Enlightened legislators said, “That’s our voice.”
Only a call from fed Senator Corker
prevented that piece of legislative porker.
Many other state bills ceased to be
because big money donors were displeased.
So, say what you will about money buying votes.
It may not get bills passed; but it can get them smote.

________

Tennessee State flag: 0' what trouble can they conceive when the state GOP is allowed to breathe.

Tennessee State flag: 0′ what trouble can they conceive when the state GOP is allowed to breathe.

NASHVILLE — On the state Senate floor last week, Sen. Brian Kelsey brought up a resolution that he explained as putting senators on record as declaring “if the federal government tries to infringe on our rights as American citizens, then we will intervene and fight for those rights.”

This prompted Senate Majority Leader Mark Norris to ask his fellow Republican how the resolution (SR17) differed from perhaps the most prominent of several bills introduced this year to nullify federal laws and subject federal officers to prosecution should they try to enforce them.

For the rest of the story, follow this link:
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2013/apr/07/tennessee-gop-supermajority-eases-up-on-silly/

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Life is like a box of … politicians

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2013/mar/13/wine-in-grocery-stores-bill-dies-by-1-vote-in/?partner=popular

Wine-in-grocery-stores bill dies by 1 vote in House committee

Why is it in my state, Tennessee, I can walk into a Super Wal-Mart and buy a rack of lamb and a box of bullets, but I can’t go in a buy a rack of lamb and box of wine?

Tennessee State flag

Tennessee State flag

Somehow, according to the fine, upstanding, bought and paid for, public servants in Nashville, it’s my God-given right if I want to buy something to potentially blow somebody else away, but heaven forbid if I want to buy something in a Super Wal-Mart, or even a “regular” grocery story, that might be used to “blow” myself away for a little while.

This in a state with a super-Republican majority in both the state House and Senate. This in the face of the Republican manta of less government. This in the thrall of hypocrisy about competition being the life blood of a “free market.”

It’s only less government if you buy it.

It’s only less government for you if you can make somebody else pay with a little less choice.

It’s only less government if you are the one defining it as so.

It’s only a box of … GOP politicians.

Yep, less government. Just big enough to fit in your bedroom.

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New word: “congressed”

Upon occasion, it seems that there are gaps in the English language: experiences, ideas, emotions, and even eventualities that don’t quite have a word to identify them. Today, we have one such experience in need of a new definition…

They congressed.

v.i. (verb intransitive): To meet for no discernible reason, to then accomplish no discernible goal, and then to adjourn with no discernible conclusion.

Speeches can be made, positions staked out, even bills passed out, but all of little note in addressing the issues at hand.

They congressed despite themselves, and were well paid for it.

As well as a verb intransitive which means a verb that needs no direct object, this is a new classification of verb, known as the verb intransigent: meaning a verb that has no direct object and does no direct work due to the entropy of ideology, intellect, or the simple overwhelming asinine nature of the persons congressing.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

A fine example of a place where congressing takes place. A place where good governing goes to die.

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Freeform Friday: “And they call the wind Oh-My-Oh”

Cartoon of Angry White Guy

Superstorm Sandy was not the only ill wind to blow ashore this recent election season.

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The taming of the true

The other day a young man approached me. He said he had a sure-fire mathematical way of understanding Mitt Romney. And that it would prove he was the best man for the job.

At first I wanted nothing to do with this, but he seemed earnest and so since we both waiting for the rain to stop, I said, “Okay, tell me.”

He asked, “What number in the alphabet is the letter ‘R’?”

I hesitated while I did a quick counting in my head. “Eighteen?”

“Right. And 1 plus 8 is 9 and 9 is an upside down 6. And the ‘O’ in Obama is the fifteenth letter of the alphabet and 1 plus 5 is 6, which is the number of the beast in the Bible. See?”

I wasn’t sure I saw anything, but after a pause said, “But I thought the number of the beast is 6-6-6.”

He looked at me as if I were about to trick him. “So?”

“So, what’s 6 plus 6 plus 6?”

“Eighteen.” He said it slowly as if it was new math or old math brought back to torment him.

Romney Ryan sign

And maybe the R-R-R is just a 6-6-6 in disguise.

“And eighteen is 1 and 8, and 1 plus 8 is 9. The same number as the ‘R’ in Romney or Ryan. And there are three R’s is front of Romney’s name – a blue one, a white one, and a red one – in his yard sign, just like there are three six’s in the number of the beast. And what’s more, 18 plus 18 plus 18 equals 54 and 5 plus 4 is also 9. Freaky, don’t you think? Maybe it means Romney is secretly the beast in disguise and if elected it will be the beginning of the End Times.”

Even though the rain hadn’t stopped, the young man decided to walk out in it. A flash of lightning and a clap of thunder greeted him.

I never knew math could be so much fun. Maybe with the next one I can talk about science.

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A little appropriate political humor: Some things never change

Will Rogers

Will Rogers (November 4, 1879 – August 15, 1935): American humorist, performer, commentator.

“The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it’s been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.”

Substitute the date “2012″ for “1928″ and you need change nothing else. Some prospects are not altered by time.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Conservative and Republican

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the words Conservative and Republican, which have become synonymous. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine or somebody else contemporary. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

NEW DEFINITION
Conservative, n. I don’t think anything has changed since Bierce first defined conservative as he did, and little can be done to improve on it, other than to say that Conservative and Republican have become so interconnected in U.S. politics as to become two wings of the same buzzard. See Republican(s).

Republicans, n. Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it. –P.J. O’Rourke

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. –H.L. Mencken

Final thoughts:
So, here we have a political party (Republican) that purports to be the party of Conservative, heterosexual, bedrock social/Christian values, in which in Tennessee, in the county of Knox a commissioner stands (an obviously appropriate word in this case) accused of indecent exposure with another man for lewd behavior; a former Knox County mayor gets a divorce because of an alleged affair — and maybe more than one. (At least he waited until toward the end of his time in office to get divorced.); a current Knox County mayor is getting a divorce (at the start of his administration and only four years after saying “I do.”); a Tennessee state representative and a former police officer gets arrested for driving drunk in Nashville, TN, with a loaded gun in his front seat; another Tennessee state representative carves her initials in her publicly owned seat in the state capital, dresses down a Tennessee Highway Patrol Officer for a ticket she got for speeding, and has “interesting” photos of herself on the Internet; a Tennessee state senator uses bogus science and bullying logic to advance a biased personal agenda, and when challenged claims he’s being discriminated against; a national presidential candidate has more affairs than another national presidential candidate has had wives (and that takes a little doing); and that same multi-wife presidential candidate’s current wife has a debt at Tiffany’s over 5 times (and maybe even 10 times) larger than the yearly average American family household income. So with all this moral rectitude and personal frugalness coming from the political party (Republican) claiming to defend Conservative, heterosexual, bedrock social/Christian values, what I want to know is this: When did Peyton Place become a family value?

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Elephant from Nantucket

The Romeny Effect

Sometimes it’s not the elephant in the middle of the room that’s the problem, it’s what the elephant has in his trunk.

There once was an elephant from Nantucket
whose trunk was so long he could suck it.
With full force it went in,
bending time and again.
Until election day, he’s just stuck with it.

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