Author Archives: David Booker
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this: “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann ‘s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. …
Father O’Malley then replied: “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”
///Stacy Testa joined Writers House in 2011 as an assistant to senior agent Susan Ginsburg and has been actively building her own client list since 2013. Previously, she interned at Farrar, Straus & Giroux and Whimsy Literary. Stacy graduated cum laude with a BA in English from Princeton University. Follow her on Twitter: @stacy_testa.
Stacy is looking for literary fiction and upmarket commercial women’s fiction, particularly character-driven stories with an international setting, historical bent, or focus on a unique subculture. She also represents realistic young adult (no dystopian or paranormal, please!). For nonfiction, she is particularly interested in young “millennial” voices with a great sense of humor and a strong platform, startling and unique memoirs, and voice-driven narratives about little-known historical moments.
Details and how to contact at: http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/new-literary-agent-alert-stacy-testa-of-writers-house
Q.: What type of humor does a zombie like?
Q.: What trick does a zombie teach to his dog?
A.: Play dead.
Q.: Why did the zombie start eating beef?
A.: He thought the label said “Brain fed.”
Q.: What do you call a zombie with dementia?
A.: A zombie.
Still time to enter. Deadline has been extended to August 15th.
Categories include Creative Nonfiction, Crime/Mystery. Science Fiction/Fantasy, Novel Except, One Act Play, Short Story, Poetry, Romance, Screenwriting, Young Writer’s Fiction Prize, and Young Writer’s Poetry Prize.
Details located at: http://www.knoxvillewritersguild.org/contest
It is the second weekend of the month and time again for a new word to live. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but might need to be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. This month’s New Word is related to aging and being a parent: law of the inverse square.Inverse-square law = In physics, this means the further you stand from an electromagnetic source (For example, light), the less radiation you will receive? That depends on how far from the source you stand. If you stand two feet further back from where you were, you will receive ¼ th the amount. If you stand six feet back, you will receive 1/36th the amount. Law of the inverse square = the further you get from your childhood in terms of age and maturity (at least to some degree), the more you will start sounding like at least one of your parents. This can be in tone of voice, mannerisms, phrases, and temperament. In this case, the further away in time you travel, the more pronounced these things become. You become the “square” (parent) you promised yourself you wouldn’t be when you grew up, particularly the stern side of your parents. The law giver
For example, as your child grows up and asks the 20th time why something has to be done, you snap back with the same tone and inflection as your father, “Because I said so.”
Or, if you’re a mother, you give your child “the look,” which was the same look your mother gave you.
Training is not required. It happens, in an eerie, secretive, delayed genetic development sort of way.